Kate Bosworth is the living dead

Yeah, I think it's pretty safe to say that Kate Bosworth has finally made the transition from skinny Hollywood starlet to walking exoskeleton.

Honestly I think she may even be at Nicole Richie status or worse...the only difference being that Nicole Richie never looked like she had just been dug up and was roaming the streets in search of human souls to feast on...







I like to call her Kate Zombosworth...see what I did there? Those 3 years of College are really paying off.

Yoiyama Kyomai : Gion Matsuri

Geiko from Gion glide gracefully across the stage with their shamisens, as the long trains of their kimonos flutter behind them.

The Geiko took their place on the side of the stage, sitting seiza style, on their knees, and played as 3 maiko danced in the traditional Kyoto style. The maiko in the purple Kimono is Suzuha, who if I am not mistaken, recently appeared on the cover of the Japanese Playboy magazine! She is renowned for her classic beauty among many of Gion's customers.

Kotoha, a high ranking maiko (in green) and superb dancer, performed the lead role in the short performance. The young maiko behind her is only in her first year. Her upper lip is not yet painted, and her collar is still predominantly red.


The extravagance of the flowing layers of colorful silk kimono, the breath-taking contrast of the porcelian-white makeup and delicately painted red lips, and the grace and dignity of the dance set to the haunting music of the shamisen create a scene of ethereal beauty beyond description.

As their dance ends, the maiko bow low to their audience. The maiko wear a very special hairstyle during the month of July specifically for Gion Matsuri.

THE BEST THING EVER WRITTEN!

Seriously, this beats the Bible! The Smoking Gun has posted a letter sent to Lindsay Lohan by James G. Robinson, the CEO of Morgan Creek Productions, the production company for her new movie "Georgia Rule"

The letter basically rips into Lindsay for being "discourteous, irresponsible and unprofessional" on the set of the movie, acting like a "spoiled child" and and states that the producers are "well aware that your ongoing all night heavy partying is the real reason for your so called "exhaustion". We refuse to accept bogus excuses for your behavior".

The letter goes on to threaten Lindsay with legal action if she does not show up on time every day, and that she will be forced to repay the "hundreds of thousands of dollars" of damage that her behaviour has caused! HOLY LOHAN!

So, basically Lindsay is a bitch who everyone hates and the backlash has finally begun! I thank god for bringing this jewel of a letter into my life...I am going to read it every night while kneeling at the end of my bed! is that wrong? maybe! Do I care? no!

One thing is for sure, 70 year old James G. Robinson is kicking ass and taking names, I hope I'm like him when I'm 70..except more belligerent with a penchant for throwing old soup cans at children from my wheelchair.

To read every delicious word of the letter click HERE

The winner of the Paul Oakenfold contest

and the winner of the free album "A Lively Mind" is......





ARIEL!!! with the winning entry:

"I think Heidi Klum should consider becoming a week old thanksgiviing turkey in my fridge because her dress explains it ALL.."



This entry won because Ariel took the initiative to include a photo which shows originality and she compared someone to rotting poultry which shows genius.

Congratulations Ariel, we commend you!

Another fun filled evening!

Oh my, another fun filled evening at my favourite spot in all of L.A, Chateau Marmont. Its like the school cafeteria at the celebrity high school...ok that was a terrible analogy but cut me some slack I'm severely sleep deprived...

Actually since I'm so tired I'm just going to name who was there and describe them in one word...

Mary Kate Olsen = Grandmother

Denise Van Outen = Essex

Joaquin Pheonix = Creeeeeepy

Kirsten Dunst = Drunk

Alexx Shannon = Sleeeepy

The Lohan hospitalized! agaaaain!

Holy mother of god, Lindsay Lohan spends more time in hospitals than most doctors do! The Lohan was rushed to an L.A. hospital from the set of her new movie "Georgia Rule" after suffering from "heat exhaustion".

Lohan�'s rep, Leslie Sloane-Zelnick stated, "�She was overheated and dehydrated,"� �"She was filming in 105-degree weather for 12 hours"�. Um...ok

Lindsay was given a vitamin B 12 shot and rested at the hospital for a couple of hours before being sent home.

So, in the past year the Lohan has been hospitalised for a "mystery flu-like illness", "cutting her leg on a teacup", "exhaustion", "an asthma attack" and "heat exhaustion".....riiiiight. Clearly nothing to do with the fact that she likes the nose candy.

If I was a celebrity I would totally take career advice from Lindsay Lohan, I'd fly across the world blowing money, partying like crazy, revelling in illicit activities and then when it came time for me to do some actual work I'd tell everyone that a magical unicorn named Maurice had kicked me in the face and I needed to go to hospital and rest...

...and they wouldn't be able to say a thing

because how can you think of a comeback for someone who insists that they were kicked in the face by a unicorn?

Exactly. My plan is foolproof.

Tori Spelling gets screwed!

In the wake of her father's death Tori Spelling has been well and truly screwed by her father's will. Aaron's assets are allegedly worth $500 million but Tori's cut came out at a mere 0.16 % of the Spelling fortune totalling $200,000, plus approximately $600,000 in private investments set up by her father!

Sources have claimed that Tori's mother, Candy, may be behind the meagre payout as she is the executor of Aaron's will..and we all know that Candy and Tori don't get along so well...

There are rumours that Tori may contest the will as it was changed by Aaron close to the date of his death, while he was suffering from Alzheimers.

Tori has been spotted in Canada shopping at dollar stores, pawn shops and buying lottery tickets since hearing the news.





Ok, so the girl still ends up with like $800,000 in her pocket? Want to know what I have in my pocket? 6 pieces of lint, something that looks like beef jerky and a turtle that I crafted out of aluminum foil...so I wouldn't really complain if I were Tori.

It does suck though...its kind of like that time I married that 85 year old oil baroness and when she was taking a bath I pushed the microwave into the tub and then ended up with nothing in her will and....um.....i mean....what?...that never happened.....

BRITBOY IS ONE YEAR OLD!

I don't know how on earth I forgot this but July 24th marks one year since my first post on this site! I want to say a huuuge thank you to everyboy who has made the site possible, and to all the people who stop by everyday and send me awesome emails and comments, without you the site wouldn't exist...

...well, that's technically a lie..but it wouldn't be half as good!

In celebration of 1 year of BritBoy in L.A. I declare July 24 every year to be worldwide Britboy day!!

On Britboy day you must follow 3 simple rules:

1) Drink a cup of tea and devour a slice of cake or deep fried cod (or deep fried cod cake) every two hours.

2) Use at least one swear word in every sentence.

3)Develop an unhealthy celebrity obession that borders on stalking and ultimately have a restraining order taken out against you.( Which, incidentally, was not my fault, who would think that Keira Knightley would be so twitchy about someone BORROWING all her socks?)

Thanks again everybody for your support and for making this past year so great!

Alexx

P.S. There is absolutely no logical reason for the frog cake, I should have picked a union jack or something, but lets face it what is more exciting? a flag? or an oversized confectionary amphibian with a gleeful grin, rage in his eyes and a bow tie?

I think we all know the answer to that.

Ashlee Simpson's transformation is complete!

Ashlee Simpson looks like an entirely different person to how she looked a few months ago..I'm not sure what to think...



On the one hand she does look good...



but close up she just looks a little....rubbery...



and skinny...



So, by getting her nose, lips and chin done, dying her hair blonde, losing 15 pounds and hiring a new stylist and makeup team Ashlee has found inner peace.



and who ever said that Hollywood made everyone into a clone of everyone else?

Gion Matsuri: Yamahoko Junko 2006

A young man, dressed in his area`s yukata, seeking shelter from the relentless rain that threatened to dampen the festive atmosphere of Gion Matsuri`s most anticipated event: the procession of the gigantic yama and hoko floats. The umbrellaless men behind him wait patiently for their cue to continue pulling their float through the streets. The heavy rain kept spectators to a minimum this year, with only 130,000, almost half last year's record-high of 240,000 people.

Is it still raining? You better your yukata it is!

Maiko make their ways through the soggy streets of Gion beneath their beautiful oiled-paper umbrellas.

Gion Matsuri: Yoiyama 2006

Yuko and I in front of one of the smaller festival floats, haku raku ten yama (White Paradise Mountain) at Gion Matsuri's Yoiyama (the night before the main procession, Yamahoko Junko). Yuko has played a major part in my adventures in Japan since my first day at Kansai Gaidai, when she and a bunch of friends waited for me outside after class and very politely asked if they could be my friend (^-^)/ Look at her! How could I say no? Kawaii! (^-<) *wink*

An elementary student performing the sacred Shirasagi Mai, the White Herron Dance, infront of Yasaka Jinja (Shrine) on Shijo dori (Avenue).

A high ranking maiko taking time out of her busy schedule to teach a younger maiko how to count.

Taiko: It's an art.

Zettai Shounen! A group of young boys donning their neighborhood yukata making music in the streets.

Suzuha, one of Gion's most beautiful and popular maiko, enjoying Yoiyama with a few friends.Say Peesu! (^-^)v

More Coming Soon!

Fergie's "London" single.

I'm so glad that my city of birth is being used as a euphemism for Fergie's vagina, or oral sex, I'm not quite sure which.

Paris Hilton is a walking disease

Ok, I know these photos are old but I was too busy vomiting in my own shoes from looking at them to post them. Apparently Paris Hilton thought it would be a good idea to let her pet ferret rummage through some garbage and then pick it up and give it a kiss on the lips.

















That poor ferret, if the garbage didn't riddle it's little body with disease then the kiss from Paris cerianly sealed the deal.

Nicole Richie, slightly less skeletal!

Nicole Richie was snapped on the beach this week looking a hell of a lot better than she has in a long time. Let's face it she still looks like a concentration camp victim..but maybe a concentration camp victim who raided a stash of oreos...

Lindsay Lohan hates zits! (and sobriety!)

The Lohan signed a $2 million deal for this commercial, after trying, without success, to front campaigns for Chanel and Louis Vuitton.

Sorry but does anyone actually believe that she uses this stuff? and it seems a bit of an odd choice to have a chain-smoking nose candy lover as a spokesmodel for an acne treatment..

Surely she would be more fitting as the face of Absolut, Marlboro reds or an STD clinic?

EDIT: I take back everything I said about Lindsay Lohan since I just came across these pics of her in the new issue of GQ. It's pretty hard to justify scathing comments about someone when you have papercuts on your tongue from licking photographs of them.



























For all I care Lindsay Lohan can become the new spokesmodel for drain cleaner, cat shampoo or cabbage patch dolls, just as long as she keeps doing photoshoots like this.

Photos courtesy of Gossiprocks! forum

Brittany Murphy's alternative career path!

Ok, I'll admit when I first heard that Brittany Murphy was trying her hand at singing I was dubious..Brittany Murphy is good at two things, acting like a crazy person (in her movies) and acting like a slightly less crazy person (in real life). However, since hearing her vocals on Paul Oakenfold's "Faster Kill Pussycat" off the recently released "A Lively Mind" I am actually pleasantly surprised.The single is amazing and Brittany really can sing!

Check out audio and video of the single here:


Audio
Quicktime Lo
Quicktime Hi
Realplayer Lo
Realplayer Hi
Windows Lo
Windows Hi

Video
Windows 200kbps
Windows 300 kbps
Windows 450 kbps
Windows 700 kbps
Quicktime 220kbps
Quicktime 450 kbps
Quicktime 700 kbps

In celebration of Ms. Murphy's new alternative career path I will be giving away a copy of Paul Oakenfold's new album " A Lively Mind" featuring "Faster Kill Pussycat"!

yaaaaaaay!




All you have to do is fill in the gaps:


I think .................... should consider becoming ........................ because ......................

Fill in the gaps with the name of a celebrity, their alternative career path, and why you think it is a good idea.

For example, my answer would be;

"I think Mary Kate Olsen should consider becoming a vagrant that lives under a bypass because she already has the uniform."

Leave your idea as a comment (remember to leave an email address should you win), or email it to me at britboyla@gmail.com. The winner will be announced next Wednesday! Good luck!