Sunday, November 27, 2005
Nick and Jessica hate the world
I can only assume that Nick and Jessica are the underlings of Satan and wish to inflict pain and suffering on every youngster in the world....that is the only way that I can explain this announcement on Thanksgiving weekend..
"After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways," Simpson and Lachey said in an official statement. "This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time."
Who announces their separation on Thanksgiving? Thats like giving a child their present on Christmas morning before telling them that Santa is dead and slapping them in the face...
I went through an entire spectrum of emotions when I heard the announcement on the radio on Thanksgiving morning...
Shock
Anger
Pain
Denial
and acceptance
Well, when I say spectrum of emotions i mean that I burped and then changed the radio station...
...come on we all saw it coming...
The good and the bad of Thanksgiving
The holiday season is a time when celebrities can either get it very right or very wrong. This year Lindsay Lohan got it right at the AMA's:
And Mariah got it verrry wrong at the NFL Thanksgiving show:
Mariah Carey kind of reminds me of a Lincolnshire sausage in human form...lots of grey wobbly skin...thats one reason why she shouldn't be dressed as a cheerleader..
the other is her age...she couldn't get a place on a real cheerleading squad unless it was the over 30's B squad at a psychiatric facility.
So things to think before you dress like a cheerleader at thanksgiving:
1) Are you old?
2)Are you wobbly?
3)Do you resemble any type of British cold meat product?
If so, then ditch the cheerleader outfit and wear a grey smock...trust me everyone will like you a lot more.
And Mariah got it verrry wrong at the NFL Thanksgiving show:
Mariah Carey kind of reminds me of a Lincolnshire sausage in human form...lots of grey wobbly skin...thats one reason why she shouldn't be dressed as a cheerleader..
the other is her age...she couldn't get a place on a real cheerleading squad unless it was the over 30's B squad at a psychiatric facility.
So things to think before you dress like a cheerleader at thanksgiving:
1) Are you old?
2)Are you wobbly?
3)Do you resemble any type of British cold meat product?
If so, then ditch the cheerleader outfit and wear a grey smock...trust me everyone will like you a lot more.
Friday, November 25, 2005
Happy Thanksgiving
A happy belated thanksgiving to all. Sorry for the lack of updates, I
travelled to San Francisco for the holiday...I'll be back in L.A on
Sunday and blogging shall resume then.
Only a month to xmas!
Thursday, November 24, 2005
The Book Club's Grand Tour of Kyoto
Paper umbrellas popped on the Japanese scene during the Edo period. Featured in many of the woodblock prints of Hiroshige Ando`s '100 scence of everyday life' these wax coated paper umbrella spared the people from the heat of the harsh, summer sun and sheltered them from rain. Utamaro Kitagawa also depicted these traditional umbrellas in his Ukiyoe (woodblock) masterpieces of beautiful women. These days, Japanese umbrellas play an important role in tea ceremony, dance, and Kabuki as an essential representation of Japanese traditional culture.
The thick wooden clogs of a maiko, or apprentice geisha. In the crowded Hanamikoji street, we heard the sound of many maiko girls' rushing to make their appointments. 'Kobo-kobo-kobo'is the onomonopia used to describe the sound of these shoes on the stone streets. 'Okobo', as they are called, have extremely thick soles, measuring 11cm.
Two nisemono maiko, or imposters (toursits playing dress-up), send pictures of their transformation to friends via keatai, or mobile phone.
A very young maiko steps out with her 'big sister', one of the 17 maiko and geisha we saw walking the streets of Gion.
Another maiko hurrying down the Hanamikoji. Red and green are the 'in' colors this season. Seems even maiko are getting into the holiday spirit.
The tangerine tunnel of torii leading through the green trees and autumn leaves of Fushimi Inari.
The changing leaves above Fushimi Inari`s tunnel of torii.
Our trip was coming to an end, but our happy times were just beginning!
Monday, November 21, 2005
Japanese Culture and the Colors of Autumn
The fall colors of Sanzen-In, Kyoto. When the sun rays hit the red leaves and make them glitter warmly, it is called teriha (照葉 [てりは]).
As autumn deepens, the green leaves of deciduous trees begin to set the countryside on fire in shades of red, orange and yellow. This blaze of glory before winter sets in is admired around the world, but only in Japan has "Autumn Leaf Viewing" been ingrained as a popular cultural passtime.
The bright autumnal tints of Kyoto's foliage captivated the hearts of ancient Japanese people, who used them as motifs in literature and art for centuries. Autumn leaf viewing is thought to have become an organized event sometime during the Heian period, when the nobility would gather to listen to music, compose poems, or quietly delight in natures offering. Enjoying the fall colors is as important a traditional past time as viewing the cherry blossoms in the spring, but unlike cherry blossom viewing, which tends to be a rowdy affair, autumn viewing is a time of solitude and reflection.
The maple trees most common to Japan are called Takao maple, or Iroha maple. Takao, the place after which the tree is named, is one of the three famous spots in the foothills of Kyoto's northwestern mountains (together with Makino-o and Togano-o).
Because maples flaunt an especially gorgeous array of colors, one tends to immediately think of the maple as the definitive image of momiji. Its impossible to ignore the beautiful arrdisplay of autumn leaves on other trees, like persimmon trees (柿紅葉 [かきもみじ]), cherry blossom trees (桜紅葉 [さくらもみじ]), lacquer trees (漆紅葉 [うるしもみじ]), and rhododendrons (満天星紅葉 [どうだんもみじ]). Seeing the mixed palette of forest foilage (雑木黄葉 [ぞうきもみじ]) covering the mountains is like studying an impressionist landscape painting.
The trees with the most dramatically vivid autumn colors are found in the mountainous and northern regions of Japan, where there is a severe discrepancy in temperature between day and night. Generally, the leaves start to turn color when the temperature dips under 8 degrees Celcius (approximately 46 degrees Fahrenheit). They reach a climax when the day's lowest temperature hits 5-6 degrees Celcius (approximately 41-43 degrees Fahrenheit).Its all very scientific, and the Japanese keep careful track of these temperature changes in order to forecast where the leaves are changing, and when they will be most beautiful. Every news program devotes a special segment, along with it weather forecast, to an autumn leaves update.
Some trees with leaves that turn yellow rather than red-- such as a type of oak (檪 [くぬぎ] kunugi) or gingko trees (銀杏 [いちょう])-- are also called momiji, although when written with Chinese characters, the form is slightly different. The Chinese character for "yellow" (黄) replaces that of the character for "red" (紅). In that case, momiji is written as "黄葉" (yellow leaves), instead of "紅葉"(red leaves).
As a linguist, I have always believed that the amount of words dealing with a subject, as well as the specific meaning contained in a single utterance help shed light on the cultural importance of the subject. The Japanese language has no shortage of words to describe the leaves of fall. For example, the term kusa momiji (草紅葉 [くさもみじ]) describes the way autumn leaves fall and spread themselves over grass. I wonder if they have a word for a pile of leaves gathered together for the expressed purpose of jumping into them--although I doubt it because, sadly, I've never seen anyone jumping into a pile of freshly raked or hand gathered leaves in Japan! Alas...
Other related terms:
初紅葉 [はつもみじ] hatsumomiji, first momiji
薄紅葉 [うすもみじ], usumomiji, pale momiji
紅葉 【もみじ】 momiji, (もみぢ), red leaves / red (maple) leaves
夕紅葉 【ゆうもみじ】 yūmomiji, evening red leaves
むら紅葉 【むらもみじ】 muramomiji, village's red leaves
谿紅葉 【たにもみじ】 tanimomiji, valley's red leaves
紅葉山 【もみじやま】 momijiyama, red-leaved mountain
紅葉 【もみじ】 momiji, (もみぢ), red leaves / red (maple) leaves
夕紅葉 【ゆうもみじ】 yūmomiji, evening red leaves
むら紅葉 【むらもみじ】 muramomiji, village's red leaves
谿紅葉 【たにもみじ】 tanimomiji, valley's red leaves
紅葉山 【もみじやま】 momijiyama, red-leaved mountain
Sunday, November 20, 2005
What is sexy?
The season of frenzied appraisal of genetic attributes has finally come to a close. What do I mean by this? Well the king and queen of 2005 have been crowned of course...the sexiest man and sexiest woman alive have been announced.
People magazine chose Matthew Mconnaahfljfuf (i can't spell his name)as their sexiest man while Esquire chose Jessica Biel...
as their sexiest woman. No offense to either Mr Mconnaahfljfuf or Ms Biel but I can't help wondering why they were chosen? Is this the year of bland blondes? I'm not sure, but I decided that neither of those lists count and I am going to create my own...
Numero Uno: HALLE BERRY OF COURSE
ADRIANA LIMA
ELISHA CUTHBERT
JESSICA ALBA...not Jessica Biel...Maybe there was a typo?
Even more shocking to me though were some of the finalists on People's sexiest men list..and who was left out...I would have expected to see Brad, Keanu etc etc but no, they were rejected in favour of Vince Vaughn...VINCE VAUGHN??? Well he must have something for Jennifer Aniston to like him....
Also absent was Orlando Bloom....I clearly don't understand women if they find this.....
More attractive than this...
If that is the case then maybe I should stop...you know...washing...and
begin sitting in my own filth and eating doughnuts...I'm not saying that Vince Vaughn sits in his own filth and eats doughnuts..but hey...the pictures speak for themselves.
Update: Fametracker has a hysterical article entitled "Notes from the Esquire Editorial Meeting At Which Jessica Biel Was Named "Sexiest Woman Alive""...read it HERE
Who forgot to eat all the pies?
Apparantly Kate Winslet has dropped three dress sizes because she was sick of thin actresses scooping all the top movie roles. Read the full story HERE
First Lucy Davis and now Kate? What next? Is Dawn French going to take up pilates? Will Joe Brand go on a macrobiotic diet?
Kate and Lucy have totally forgetten what it is to be British
...afriad of exercise and addicted to steak and kidney pies.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
The Church of Trumpetcat
I swear to god if another Scientology recruiter comes up to me and asks me if I want a free stress test I am going to kill someone...do I have "prospective cult member" tattooed on my forehead or something?
Sure I'm stressed but that doesn't mean I want to believe that we are inhabited by alien souls that were sent to earth in a prehistoric jet plane and planted in volcanoes.....really...couldn't L. Ron Hubbard have come up with something more realistic?
If its ok to just come up with religions then I want my own one too..I'm going to call it Trumpetcat...Trumpetcatists believe that the world was created by a giant cat named Harold who blew a magical trumpet to create the human race, unfortunately parts of Harold's godly trumpet became lodged in the human brian..causing us to become depressed and lethargic. In order to rid ourselves of these trumpet remnants you must rub yourself with gingerbread, collect bookmarks and shave your head....
...oh and send me $10,000 for an official Trumpetcat starter-pack....
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Elvis spotted in LA!
In Whole Foods in Westwood to be exact...is the king alive? You be the
judge...
Breaking News: Kate is back on coke!
Well...sort of...
This was so obviously planned, everyone knows that supermodels don't drink regular coke..they drink diet coke, vomit, smoke and then cackle at fat people...
Money troubles
Actor Orlando Bloom's former management company is suing the Troy star for allegedly failing to pay $660,000 (�383,000) in commissions. Read the full story HERE
This probably won't mean much to Orlando since he earns about 12 bazillion dollars a film to look pretty in various period costumes. If you ask me this is all because the management company are jealous that Orlando looks good in period clothing. I mean..dont you wish just once you could ride down the street on a horse in armour..or go to Starbucks in a toga?
No?...
just me?....
ok then....
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Sienna Miller..more like Sienna Icantdressmyself
Ok, so me and my friend are having a heated debate at the moment..Sienna Miller vs Kiera Knightly...no you can't like both.
My argument: That Sienna is bland, boring, famous for nothing and her fashion sense is waaaay overrated
Her Argument: Kiera Knightly has a wierd face shape and pouts far too much
I think I just won a point...so far we stand at:
Kiera: 1
Sienna: 0
Image via Go Fug Yourself
Sunday, November 13, 2005
mmmmm candy
Britney appears to be back on her ultra healthy diet of 10 truckloads of sugar washed down by an entire starbucks load of caffeine...These photos were taken outside Planet Blue in Malibu, in the space of about 10 seconds Britney manages to consume her daily requirements of junk food....First a red vine..
Then a lollipop...
...and of course the requisite Red Bull...
Can you imagine how much sugar that poor baby consumed while she was pregnant? It was probably born and didn't sleep for 5 days...I'm not saying that eating sugar while pregnant will make your child a sociopathic insomniac killer
...but lets just wait and see how Preston Spears turns out...
Then a lollipop...
...and of course the requisite Red Bull...
Can you imagine how much sugar that poor baby consumed while she was pregnant? It was probably born and didn't sleep for 5 days...I'm not saying that eating sugar while pregnant will make your child a sociopathic insomniac killer
...but lets just wait and see how Preston Spears turns out...
Tenryuji's Fall Foilage 天竜時の紅葉
The leaves at Sagano's Tenryuji (Heavenly Dragon Temple) are early this year, setting the temple gardens on fire in brillant hues of crimson.(Picture taken Nov.1st!)
Thursday, November 10, 2005
I want my god... I want my sandwich
Ok..so this video from "Trading Spouses" featuring a woman called Margaret Perrin has been popping up everywhere on the internet...since I've had like 873465082356018 things to do I didnt get around to watching it until today. Nothing could have prepared me for what followed..I LITERALLY SPAT COFFEE all down myself, it is that hysterical. JUST WATCH IT
read more at
Malcontant
Michael K. is braver than I am..he PHONED HER UP FOR AN INTERVIEW....click here
I'm off to watch the video 3 more times...
BEST QUOTE OF THE YEAR: "I want my god....I want my sandwich"
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....
OH.
MY.
GOD.
Melissa Joan Hart aka Sabrina the Teenage Witch is pregnant!!! How did I miss this? Maybe its just me but something about this feels wrong...
...shouldn't Sabrina be at home pining over Harvey with her two aunts getting madcap advice from Salem? Not getting knocked up and being a...a....GROWN UP....come on...even Tia and Tamera are still making Disney channel movies...you don't see them having kids....
I don't know what the world is coming to when Sabrina is pregnant..i need to lie down...
What a scruff puppy!
Men.Style.Com is reporting the supposed latest in British slang, including the term "scruff puppy" to refer to a girl as the object of social and sexual desire, as in Sienna Miller.
How many Brits do you think you the term "scruff puppy" um..probably about 7 mockney, hipster primrose hill residents...NOT ALL BRITS USE STUPID FAKE COCKNEY SLANG...except I kind of like that term so I will be using it...shut up I'm allowed to change my mind.
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Laguna Beach: Team Casey
I'm kind of over Kristin and LC..thats why I have decided to become the official founder of "Team Casey"...what do I love about Casey so much? well I'm glad you asked:
Exhibit A: She reeealy likes herself..head over to her offical website for some pics like those below. These were taken from her Myspace Profile what is that song in the background?
Exhibit B: She spread a rumour that Alex H. had...um... hygeine problems...well she looks like she smells.
Exhibit 3: The dress she wore to her prom, barbie meets NYC hooker...
Exhibit C:She entered Miss Teen USA, see her photos here
Exhibit D: I'm estimating that at just 18 about half of her body is already man-made, so far I count nose, boobs, teeth, hair, eyelashes...see if you can spot more..its kind of like "I Spy" but with tragic California stereotypes...
Anyway I think I have proved my point GO TEAM CASEY!
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