I had the honour of attending the world premiere of "Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest" yesterday held at Disneyland. The event was insane to say the least, people were camped out from 6am in the morning just hoping for a glimpse of some of the stars!
I have come to know and love the red carpet format of premieres, think of it as the celebrity food chain, the lower down you are, the earlier you arrive...
First come the people you cannot name:
Like these two from dancing with the stars..i think the guy is called John..or Joe...or Dave...or Bill...or something...
Then come the vaguely familiar people
Ashley Tisdale from Disney Channel
Channing Tatum from..well..I'm sure he's been in something..
Then come the slightly bigger names
Jennifer Love Hewitt
James Cameron
Helen Mirren, who by the way outshone most of the young actresses...she is HOT....
moving on...
Then the big guns
Keira first, looks like all my years of stalking finally payed off
She is breathtakingly beautiful, when I saw her in person I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, pee or vomit
I ended up doing all 4 at once
This was her reaction
But then she saw the funny side
and then she began to move away very very slowly
Then came Mr. Orlando Bloom himself
I wanted to think of something funny to yell at him..
I was going to go with WHORE-LANDO...just because it made me laugh...
But then he got closer, smiled, and my inner 14 year old girl swooned
I've decided that If I ever had to bat for the other team, I would want Orlando to be the one holding my bat.
Here is an artists impression of Johnny Depp since he turned up 3 hours late and then rushed through hardly taking any pictures, sorry but there is NO excuse for that.
Unless your helicopter was attacked by a giant albatross and forced to make an emergency landing at sea where you had to use your own daughter to fend off sharks...
MAYBE that would be an excuse
Here is what I think that would look like...
Sorry, I didn't colour the sky becuase it takes so damn long..who has time for shit like that? Anyway I'm getting distracted...
So, when all the big stars have gone in, who is left?
Why me of course!
Yes, I snuck my way onto the red carpet...I think the accent helped.
(Note how only one person is taking my picture)
So, what have we learned today?
1)That I lose control of all bodily functions in the presence of beautiful women
2)That I am oddly attracted to men who look like elves and elderly british actresses
3)and that Johnny Depp REALLY needs to learn how to paralyse an albatross in a burning helicopter
