OH. HOLY. LORD.

I just can't take this anymore...I'm serious...Mariah I'm done...I try and help..I have offered my advice over the course of several months and then you show up in Aspen wearing THIS!

Do you do it to hurt me? Every day when I wake up I pray that I will see a photo of you dressed like a 30 something woman and not a freakin 11 year old..

...sorry not even an 11 year old would wear that....

..a 7 year old...

This is becoming an abusive relationship for me, I think it needs to end. Its going to be a new year, maybe it should be a new start for us.

Don't be too crushed, we will both move on, I think I'm going to see if Britney could use my help.

p.s. even those kids are ashamed to be with you..take a hint.

2 ways to waste time..

For literally HOURS of fun click HERE

You upload a photo and the face recognition software searches a database of thousands of celebrities to tell you who you look like most. Its so hilarious..not because its accurate but actually the opposite...The first time i uploaded my photo i got (I swear to god this is true)

1. Colin Farrell (hmmm ok no-one has ever told me that before)
2. Morgan Freeman (ooook...well maybe if I was black I would look like him)
3. Lucy Liu (ok..so I'm an Asian woman?)

I think you have to play around with it a few times and see which results come up most often...after I did this the results were more accurate.. I got

1. Colin Farrell (seriously NOONE has EVER said I look like him)
2. Jason Biggs (hmmm ok not too happy about that one)
3. Fernando Alonso (Hmm I can kind of see it)

Most people tell me I look like Jason Schwarzman actually. Anyway I was being pretty skeptical so I uploaded some celebrity photos hoping to fool the machine but GUESS WHAT..it got them all right first time. Maybe I am like Colin Farrell...well I am part Irish...I'm just not a drunken womaniser

...but I'm sure I can work on that...

Also...Kevin Federline has released a snippit of his first single Popozao for our listening enjoyment. Click HERE

I swear I nearly cried with laughter listening to it..and its only about 5 seconds long..but its just him repeating the nonsensical word "Popozao" over and over..

You would think with a wife who is one of the most successful recording artists of all time he could do better..

Why I love America Reason no. 984351036657

I was watching CNN when they announced that the Bush Administration is backing Anna Nicole Smith in her court battle to secure her deceased husband J. Howard Marshall's millions. I don't know when the Bush administration decided that backing playmates who married 89 year old men was the way to go...but to be honest nothing shocks me anymore.

Originally, a federal bankruptcy judge sided with Smith in the fight over her late husband's estate, awarding her $474 million. That was reduced to about $89 million by a federal district judge, then thrown out altogether by a federal appeals court.

If you ask me Anna Nicole should get the money, why do his family deserve to get it? What did his family do that is so great?

Were his family Guess models?

Did his family pose for Playboy?

Did his family have an AWESOME reality show?

Did his family sell Trimspa? um..no..and the most important question...

Did his family give him lapdances when he was 89 and they were only 26?



...well I hope not....



but Anna Nicole CARED enough to lapdance for an 89 year old man when SHE was 26...and if that isn't worth $474 million I don't know what is...



To read the full story click HERE