STOP THE PRESSES!

I was confronted by this abomination when shopping for my usual weekly stack of 20 magazines. My genuine first impression was one of fear and then revulsion. What the hell is it? a drag queen? a lizard? WHAT? She looks like she is going to jump out of the magazine and eat my soul using her reptilian tongue...someone from Cosmo must really hate Fergie.

Brit Tribe: WHEN CHAVS ATTACK

So, it was a pleasant Friday evening, me, my cousin Natalie and friend Matt were enjoying a leisurely walk back from the video shop. Birds were singing in the sky and we hadn't a care in the world, we skipped along, the air filled with laughter. Then out of nowere we hear a familiar sound..oh no..was it? Yes indeed a CHAVGAGGLE was gaining on us from behind! As we tried to ignore the noise they began to yell every name under the sun to get us to turn around, admittedly they weren't very inventive and just called the names "Ben" and "Gary" several times.
We were heckled and told to get our hair cut, the chavgaggle was clearly annoyed that we hadn't conformed to their sportswear uniform and buzzcut. I wasn't wearing ANY burberry!!?? Matt didnt have hair gel on!!?? and my cousin had PINK HAIR!! PINK HAIR what kind of a crazy world is this???? We managed to escape their clutches but only just..I dread to think what might have happened if we had been captured. We may have been forced to drink white lightning cider, listen to garage music and speak in a faux estury accent. Conformity is the chavs weapon of choice..but these three chavponents won't give up without a fight! Thank god I'm leaving the country soon!!!

As this was a long story with no pictures I have decided to issue you a treat: CREATE YOUR OWN CHAV!!!!! Just click below...it will help you to avoid a chav attack...

CREATE A CHAV

Brit Tribe: GALLERY OF CHAVS

Roll up, roll up, to gawp in amazement at the selection of chavs on display for your viewing enjoyment. Here we have some of the finest celebrity chavs. Please add to the list (I haven't added Jodie Marsh as I think I have given her enough free exposure already)

Britney and Kevin, obviously




David and Victoria Beckham (i'm sorry but its true!)




COLEEN MCGLAUVIYCIYRARA, wife of Wayne rooney (when I can't spell I improvise)






Christina Aguilera (chav extraordinaire)


Goldie Lookin Chain (granted it's ironic)




Blazin Squad (sadly NOT ironic)

I have to go rinse out my eyes now..

Brit Tribe: CHAVS PART DEUX

Excellent definition of Chav by Wikipedia: Chav is a derogatory slang term in popular usage throughout the UK. It refers to a subculture stereotype of a person who is uneducated, uncultured and prone to antisocial or immoral behaviour. The label is typically, though not exclusively, applied to teenagers and young adults of white working class or lower-middle class origin. Chav is used for both sexes; a male chav may sometimes be referred to as a chavster (FYI: I LOVE THIS TERM) and a female as a chavette (EVEN BETTER!). A more complete list of synonyms can be found in the Derived and Similar Terms section below. It is similar to the United States terms white trash and trailer trash or the Australian bogan Response to the term has ranged from acceptance to criticism that the term is a new manifestation of classism.

Some fun chav acronyms:
Council Housed And Violent
Council Housed And Vile
Council House Assault & Violence
Council House Associated Vermin
Council House Adolescent Violence
Council House Adidas Victim

Chicken Hats Are Virtuous...ok I made that one up.

BritBoy's guide to spotting a Chav:

Are they wearing sportswear?
More specifically adidas tracksuit bottoms?
Wait, is there more than one of them?
Are they forming a strange herd much like human buffalo?
Is Burberry involved?
Even better fake Burberry?
Oh my god! fake Burberry cap?
Are the girls hair pulled back so tight that they appear startled or deformed?
Do they at all resemble vicky pollard?

Im afraid you are in the presence of a group of chavs, more commonly known as a chavgaggle..ok I made that up too

more info via the CHAVTASTIC Chavscum

Brit Tribe: CHAVS

OH.
MY.
GOD.
Due to popular demand, today will be CHAV DAY on BritBoy in L.A. So slap on some adidas trackies, grease down your hair and dig out the biggest hoop earrings you can find...its going to be an experience...

A new idea...

Since I appear to be brimming with ideas right now (at 5am???) I have come up with another, it may be the lack of sleep talking but I feel like this one might be a winner!

Its about money money and more money click HERE

ps: sorry about all the ads..I went a little adsense crazy :)

Osaka Bound! 大阪へ！

Yuko (one of my best friends from Kansai Gaidai) and I in front of Namba's Neon wall, with the famous Glico Running Man (Glico is a Japanese candy company).

I'm headed for Osaka this weekend to say Sayonara to Lindz, fellow maiko wannabe, and general Japan-land partner in crime, ready to repatriate herself after a year of teaching for Nova.

Brit Events: Armed Police

Today in London there was an extremely high presence of armed police on the streets. London Transport police rode on tube trains and checked the bags of commuters.

It's so scary to travel on a train when this is going on, but sadly necessary.

Brit Celeb: Lindsay London

My oh my! an LL double whammy! First off "The Daily Mirror" reports that Lindsay's "strange behaviour" at London nightclub Boujis shocked onlookers last night:

"She certainly wasn't up for a party and, once nestled in the corner of the VIP section, she refused to leave her seat and sulked into her vodka and lemonade. Her behaviour became increasingly bizarre when she made her guests queue up to speak to her as she was sending out text messages on her mobile phone. She didn't look as though she wanted to be there and didn't dance once."

Lindsay was then seen leaving the club early in the morning looking quite the worse for wear (pictures hopefully coming soon!)
The reason for Lohan's behaviour came to light earlier today when I recieved a tip from a source at a well known British magazine
"Lindsay's agent just called to tell me that the interview was cancelled and she was flying back to the US!"

It has since emerged that Lindsay has flown back to New York to be with her mother as she begins her divorce proceedings, and will be missing her own premiere. Just goes to show that however much money and fame you have you can't escape family drama!

Brit Stereotypes: US TV

Have you ever noticed the way in which British people are portrayed on US TV? both me and my american friends have noticed a startling trend..lets just look at a quick overview of UK tv "personalities" who have made it in the US:



Anne Robinson: Evil



Simon Cowell: Evil



Trinny and Susanna: Bossy and Evil



Kim and Aggie: Bossy, Evil and Annoying



Stewie from family guy: Bossy, Evil, Dictatorial and set on murdering his own mother



My guess is that the next "personality" to travel to the US will be Gordon Ramsay, I'm sure he'll so wonders for the stereotype



Just more proof that Americans NEED me to have my own reality TV show..its not for me...its for the good of all mankind

BritBoy Designer Store

Due to considerable interest from some of my friends in the US, I have decided that i MAY set up a store (or link to a store) on this site. I would sell custom clothing and accessories as well as other random items. Please bear with me while i try to set it up, it may take a while!
The store will probably be located HERE

I have decided to consider this as an option as several individuals and companies (including Fred Segal!!!) have expressed interest in my designs. This remains the simplest and most viable option for me to distribute custom designs right now. Please bear in mind that this is only an idea and will only go ahead if i feel that there is enough interest.

Thanks,

Brit Love: Triangle

My oh my, Notting Hill is quite the incestuous little enclave! Jude and Sadie split, Jude gets with Sienna, Jude and Sienna get engaged, then Jude cheats on Sienna with the nanny..THE NANNY..classy, Jude and Sienna split and then Sienna is seen kissing her ex Orlando Bloom..Phew. I wonder how they ever have time to make films? But wait, what about Sienna-alike Kate Bosworth?


Oh wait, I don't care...

Gion Matsuri Maiko: Makiko

This is young Makiko, a maiko from Gion, on her way to watch the Procession of Dieties with her patron, the mop of grey hair hidden behind her glossy black lobes. The swarms of people gather along Shijo-dori parted like the Red Sea as gracefully glided towards the shrine. This is Makiko's first or second Gion matsuri as a Maiko! Her upper lip is still covered in the white makeup that overs the rest of her face, and her collar is still predominantly red. As she advances in skill and experience, she will be able to paint her upper lip in deep crimson, while her collar will gradually become less ornate, until she becomes a Geiko.

Gion Matsuri: Procession of Dieties

Ususally the only shot of Yasaka Shrine one can get is with a few ugly buses, taxis and cars streaking thru the foreground, but with Shijo-dori closed to traffic for the procession, the street is filled with happi-clad mikoshi carriers and lined with excited onlookers. Here, three mikoshi, or portable shrines, rest before Yasaka Jinja (shrine) before being carried by the men in white throughout the streets of Gion.



There is something strikingly Biblical about these mikoshi...I remember the first time I saw one at the Kurama Himatsuri during my Gaidai days, I immediately thought of the Ark of the Covenant. I am completely aware that there is a very descriptive description (redundant much?) of the Ark in the Bible, and that is it very different from what you see before you here, but the thread that joins all of mankind and its history together is, for me, blatantly aparant in these ancient traditions. You can't tell me that the ornamentation on the roof of the mikoshi doesn't look like a menorah!

Unlike the festival hoko floats, Mikoshi are not pulled, but carried on the shoulders of many men. Not only are they carried through the streets of the city for hours, they are thrown into the air and jostled about to excite the crowd. After bouncing the Mikoshi down Shijo a bit, these men made a turn onto the Hanamikoji, "Wasshoi"-ing their way past the Ichirikiya, the most famous Ochaya ( 'teahouse', where Geisha and maiko entertain) in the history of Japan...

Brit C-List: Jodie Marsh

Who is Jodie Marsh? That is quite the loaded question! From what I can fathom she is an Essex girl famous for having enormous breasts, hating Jordan and having a terrible nose job.

However that Isn't to say that we in the Uk hate Jodie, she has become quite the British institution. Jodie is possibly our equivalent of Paris Hilton without the money, looks or style... and for that we love to hate her.

I will be doing features on both Essex and Chavs in the near future, for Americans who have no idea what these are you are in for a treat! Think white trash plus white leather and you are half way there! Let me take you through a few of my favourite Jodie poses:
Jodie and her puppies (no pun intended)

Jodie classes it up in a top hat

Jodie births a football

And my outright favourite..Jodie is harnessed into an army uniform by a small child..thats Essex for you...

Brit Style: Juicy Couture

Juicy Couture have started using this slogan! This way we can all be English..and not in the whole Madonna shoot some pheasants, wear tweed and speak like a moron way...Hooray


for more info visit Juicycouture.com

Brit Style: Charm Necklaces

Charm necklaces are currently the accesory of choice amongst British celebrities. Fashion retailers however have been relatively slow to catch on to the trend. Actor Olando Bloom is rarely seen without at least one charm necklace and often wears two or three.






David and Victoria Beckham show off his and hers charm necklaces on holiday in St. Tropez


I love the fact that no two necklaces are the same and can be composed of just about anything, a shell from the beach, an old ring that no longer fits or holiday souvenirs.

I have started on my own charm necklace and am considering custom making them for others. If anyone is interested I may open a store on the website. Let me know...

Brit News: Terror Attacks

In the wake of the horrific terrorist attacks on London's transport system on 7/7 and the attempted attacks on 21/7, a website called wearenotafriad.com was set up.

Readers submit original artwork demonstrating that the terrorists have failed in their quest to scare the British people.

The website is a testament to the bravery and resilience of Britain. I hope that we will stand strong in the face of possible further attacks. I also hope, as a mixed race British citizen myself, that we can maintain the multicultural tolerance that makes Britain so unique.

My thoughts and prayers are with those affected in any way by the attacks

Click to visit:

Brit Twosome: Keira and Orlando

Smoulder much? Imagine what lean and pouty children they would have...


Bet they would be good in period dramas too..

Brit Style: Patriotic Apparel

I just had this T-shirt made for my imminent arrival in the states. I'm prettty much in love with it.
It's my second piece of Brit themed apparel, the first being the amazing union jack jacket designed by Keenan Duffy, as seen in my profile pic.
The lining to the jacket is really intricate and even has Queen Elizabeth in the middle! I bought the jacket at H Men on Sunset Blvd Los Angeles. T-Shirts were customised at Talking T's In Cambridge, UK.

Brit Beauty: Keira Knightly

Keira Knightly has the kind of face and body that makes me want to swab her cheek cells and use her DNA to create a Keira army.

Incidentally this is what she would look like if she indulged in a few too many fish and chips, she looks like she should be called Tracey going for a night out in Basildon.

I'm not saying that all girls calleb Tracey from Basildon look like this.

They look worse.



Image courtesy of www.worth1000.com

Brit Obsession: Tea

If you thought that the whole Brits being obsessed with tea thing was a myth then look at this picture.
I have no less than 10 types of tea in current rotation.
What does my best friend do when confronted with a crisis? smoke? drink? mainline heroin? nope...make tea.

All British people are old women inside.

For more tea info visit:
www.tea.co.uk

www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com

(ps: I just noticed the mug that says "fuck that" in the background, a classy touch)

Who am i?

Hello there, I'm a young British guy currently splitting my time between London and Los Angeles. Welcome to a world of British culture (yes, we do have some!), style (that too!), current events and celebrities (especially C list ones). Also join me as I spend my first full year in La La Land, substituting my builder's tea for sugarfree soy ice blendeds, being asked to repeat myself constantly and attempting to navigate in a city without roundabouts!

I hope you enjoy the journey!

Gion Matsuri : Yoiyama Kyomai

祇園祭り：よい山の京舞

Mihoko (left), recently graduated from senior ranking maiko to full-fledge Geiko, performs Kyomai for the Yoiyama festivities with the maiko Ichimiyo. Their uchiwa, (Japanese fans) are decorated with their name, and the districts of Gion that they represent. When Geiko or maiko entertain during Gion Matsuri, they give their patrons one of these fans as a keepsake.

Last time I saw Mihoko, she was dancing as an apprentice in the Miyako Odori. She looks so much more refined and elegant as a Geiko!

Kyomai, or Kyoto Style Dance, developed in western Japan under the influence of Noh theatre. Unlike other odori, or kabuki styled dances developed in Edo, Kyomai is performed in Washitsu, Japanese style tatami mat rooms, where its subtle movements, the embodiment of the elegance and sophistication of the imperial court, can be viewed at close range .

Kyomai is not meant to be performed on stage, but in the intimacy of Japanese rooms .

Gion's entertainers practice the Inoue school of Kyomai. This style of dance is very different from that performed in Kyoto's other entertainment districts

The Inoue school is characterized by minimal motions based on the masked drama of Noh and the puppetry of Bunraku.

Even in this picture, if you compare the gesture of the hands between the Mihoko (Geisha) and Ichimiyo (maiko), the difference in mastery of these simple movements is clear.

Geiko present themselves in a much more subdued fashion because they do not need the bright colors and flashy ornamentation to compensate for their lack of skill.

Kyomai symbolizes the gracefulness and lifestyle of the imperial family.

This is the fruit of my Japanese language labour...I was able to read the kanji foretelling the appearance of Geiko and Maiko performing Kyomai, as well as the names written on their uchiwa! Obsessed as I am, this gave me a great sense of accomplishment and furthur motivated me to press on! Who knows what gems of information are hidden in the kanji that clutter this country (besides the people that can read them)? Let's fighting ganbaro!

Stay tuned...more Matsuri Maiko pix to come...

Check out Justin Klien's Gion Matsuri Video to get a better idea of what this festival is all about!